Where do bees go to the toilet?
The BP station.
What do you do with a sick boat?
Take it to the doc.
What did the 30 degree angle say to the 90 degree angle? “You think you’re always right!”
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.
A photon walks into a hotel. The desk clerk says, “Welcome to our hotel. Can we help you with your luggage?” The photon says, “No thanks, I’m traveling light.”
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.
I had to put my foot down!
“I took the shell off my racing snail thinking it would make him go faster, if anything it made him more sluggish.”
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. “It tells me that someone has stolen our tent.”
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks to the other, “What kind of music do you like?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
Why did the kid throw the butter out the window? To see the butter fly!
What do you call a duck that steals?
A Robber Duck.
What is the difference between a teacher and a steam train? One says, “Spit out your gum,” and the other says, “Choo, choo, choo!”
The slug asks the snail: “have you seen Michelle?”
A troubled gnome walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says “They’re right behind you!”
Why are frogs always so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.
A snail entered a police station and told an officer, “I just got mugged by two turtles. They beat me up and took all my money!” The officer replied, “Why that’s terrible. Did you get a good look at them?” “No sir, it all happened so fast!”
How do crazy gnomes walk through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
Two guys are walking through a game park and they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, “Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord.” He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears it saying a prayer: “Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive.”
